January, you'll always be number one

So its a brand-ass-spanking new year. People are making their resolutions and I'm looking foward to watching people break them. Its not like I have a problem with resolutions in general. I can respect the idea of trying to make yourself a better person, I just dont understand why people find it necessary to choose such an arbitrary event to make them. January is the beggining of the year just as much as any other month. New Years resolutions just seem to be what cool people do when they want to feel better about themselves without actually being expected to do any real work. Of course thats just kind of an asshole mentality, but its hard not to think that when you have people who every godamned year resolve to lose 15 pounds or some other equally self centered and narcissistic perogative, unless their morbidly obese in which case thats probably a good idea considering how unhealthy it is, but when was the last time you saw a morbidly obese person resolve to lose weight? Honestly, I'd be happier if someone resolved to kiss puppies all year, yeah its equally as useless, but honestly who doesnt like puppies?

Another thing, why dont we have animal's that represent multiples of years like the Chinese? See, they know how to make years fun.

Example:
America:

What year were you born?
1988 (i.e. the year of boring)

China:

What year were you born?
The year of the fuckin dragon.

See?



However...

Of course its very likely that if the United States were ever to impliment a similar system, which is unlikely due to Americans all consuming phobia of all things Communism, Communist, the color red etc., they would run out of cool animals rather quickly.

Heres a list of likely candidates:

Year of the Bald Eagle (Yes its cliché but you know it would happen)
Year of the Buffalo (Throwing a bone to the original inhabitants of our wonderful nation)
Year of the Manatee (See I told you we'd start running out)

Now we'd just default to sports mascots

Year of the Dolphin
Year of the Bobcat
Year of the Mountain Lion (These count as two because people are stupid enough to have two names for the same animal)

I suppose it wouldnt be all that bad. I'm no Biologist and I'm probably missing a vast number of species that would be candidates for the list. Although I may change my tune if I get stuck with Year of the Beaver.

Happy New Year everyone :D